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She's having a second baby...and I'm not...

By 16:56:00 , , , ,

*****Quick apology - Sorry its been a while since my last post, things have been very hectic as my grandmother is seriously ill and in hospital (it's not looking good) and blogging has been a low priority for me. I hope to be back on a regular blogging schedule again soon but until our family situation has stabilised, blogging is taking a bit of a back seat right now*****

A friend at work announced her second pregnancy the other week. I was pleased for her but it felt very strange to me in a way, because the last time she was pregnant, I was pregnant too. In fact we were 'pregnancy buddies' during my first pregnancy, and whilst she was 3 weeks ahead of me it felt really nice to have someone to experience pregnancy with who was going through exactly the same things as me.

Thinking about having a second baby

We shared all our experiences from around 10-13 weeks, swapped scan photos, related experiences with midwifes, doctors etc. Discussed pushchairs, cots, toys, feeding plans - everything and anything and would regularly spend lunch together talking 'baby'.We also discussed our concerns, our aches and pains, weird feelings, embarrassing symptoms and also the extra appointments, the consultant referrals (interestingly she was being checked as her baby was showing in scans as too small and then late in my pregnancy my baby appeared to be too big and had to have extra scans). Coincidently we were also both having boys and it was the first child for both of us so all of these things combined bonded us together and it was nice to feel I wasn't alone.

I had other friends who had had babies, my mum, mother in law and other family and friends to talk to of course and also read the online forums and joined online 'birth clubs' but speaking to someone in person who was actually going through the same things at almost exactly the same time was lovely and I'm really glad that I had that.

Our babies were subsequently born a few weeks apart (hers naturally, mine by emergency c-section) and we both had issues feeding and so both babies were formula fed and this was something else we shared together. But only a few months later after the babies were born, our need to share and relate with each other seemed to reduce. I don't know if it was because we were sharing with new friends at post natal groups, had relatively 'easy' babies or if it was just the distance (I live an hour from her and would rarely leave my town during my maternity leave due to fuel costs) but we stopped texting and meeting up with each other and drifted apart.

I hoped things would change when we returned to work but our part time hours were the opposite to each other with only a one day overlap and we never really got that connection back and although friends we weren't so close and I found it harder to talk to her other than to make basic small talk.

When she announced her second pregnancy the other day my feelings were mixed, I was thrilled for her but I also felt a bit jealous to be honest as I would like to have another baby but we are not in a position to consider another child at the moment. I also felt a bit sad that I would not be able to share the experience with her like I had the first time around.

I guess its also brought into focus the second baby question- 'When should we have another child?' CK is almost 2, are we being selfish by waiting as I know he'd love a brother or sister, will conception of another child be as simple as it was the first time? If I did fall pregnant how would we cope financially and in terms of space (we live in a small 2 bed house)? My health hasn't been good either and I am still a stone heavier than I was pre-pregnancy.

Several of my friends are onto their second babies and I'll admit to feeling broody at the moment with this recent second round of babies. I know that this is not a reason to have a baby but sometimes I feel it adds to the pressure as I feel like maybe I should be having another baby too.

Can anyone relate to my experiences and how have you dealt with the 'second baby' question? Please let me know in the comments below

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  1. It's been awhile since your last blog?
    It's so hard having an ill loved one.
    -- As far as your friend being pregnant, celebrate it! She will surely celebrate yours when the time comes.